A Letter Never Sent

Very recently, I embarked on what I considered to be a great job opportunity doing something I love. It was mostly rainbows and unicorns, with just a few gargoyles thrown in, but generally speaking, I did my job with professionalism, safety, courtesy and respect for my manager, her clients and her business.

Then I was bitch-slapped. And ignored. Then applauded, then bitch-slapped again, this time harder. I was lied to, avoided and shorted compensation which I feel I deserved every penny of. I am not one to fight fire with gasoline – quite the contrary as I typically avoid confrontation. But this situation, this lack of communication which led to all sorts of dishonesty and drama has occupied too much of my brain space to just let it go completely. So I wrote this letter intended for my ex-employer. Will I send it? No, I don’t think so. It defeats the purpose of taking the high road. But there’s a not-so-small part of me that really, really wants to. But for now, it feels good just to get it on paper and read it to myself like I was reading it to the passive-aggressive, crook of a person I had the displeasure of working for. May we never cross paths again. Until the high road has taken me far above and beyond where she is and I can look down, smile and give a little wave.

Dear Name-not-to-be-mentioned,

Wow. I have to say I’m really disappointed. I’m disappointed that you weren’t an adult enough to communicate with me, that when you did communicate, you were dishonest about it and that you went back on your word and fabricated a payment system that we did not fully discuss. I’m disheartened that you didn’t think enough of me to provide me with the tools necessary to successfully manage your clients while you were away – lucky for you, I’m an intelligent, resourceful, proactive individual who is not afraid to ask questions or make mistakes; and I figured it out. Lucky for you, I do my best and in this case by best was damn good. Maybe too good for you.

While it took you over a month to pay me, I continued to give you the benefit of the doubt. Afterall, you’ve never had an assistant, who could blame you, right? I immediately responded to the very complimentary email (despite some backhanded compliments) that you sent upon your return. You were so grateful –“BEYOND grateful” for me; in fact, you were happy, your clients were happy, everyone wins, right?

I didn’t know you had magician capabilities. Immediately after that email, you disappeared. I gave you two weeks after I sent my invoice – along with the two, very simple, yet very detailed spreadsheets I created both to track my work and to make your billing easier. I waited TWO weeks thinking maybe you were busy catching up from your trip. When I finally followed up you said you were waiting to hear from me! Coming from someone who was so eager to get working together and figure out how we could best communicate when you were home, you don’t seem to have the ability to use the number of technological tools available to you to reach out to me. According to your “genuine” email – you are VERY protective of your family and those who work for you (which at the time still included yours truly). Funny, if abandoning someone, leaving them completely in the lurch and making them look like an incompetent human is how you “protect” them, I’m very concerned for your daughter and those close to you.

I am not one to call names; that’s not really taking the high road and in this case, I need to because apparently the road you travel on is not only lower than low, but rutted and full of potholes. You are a dishonest phony, a bad business woman, and a passive-aggressive, insecure person. Well, I guess I just traveled on your road for a minute. Didn’t like it. Wasn’t at all comfortable. So I’m going to climb back up to the high road now.

Originally, this letter was going to be a lot shorter because my primary intention was to thank you for the opportunity. But my tune has changed slightly. I’m sure, if I keep persevering, another great opportunity will present itself. If not, I’ll create it myself. I’m good like that. But what I really want to thank you for was the learning experience. I learned what not to look for in an employer, especially in the horse business. I learned (again) how petty and easily threatened women are by someone that just knows what they’re doing and always puts their best foot forward to do the job right. I’ve learned to put EVERYTHING in writing clear as day, to ask as many questions as possible and provide as many clarifying statements necessary to ensure my side is understood. I’ve learned to deal with a strain of difficult people that I’ve never really encountered before. I’ve learned when to keep my mouth shut and that taking the high road is always the better way. I’ve learned that spending time and energy on selfish, dishonest people is a waste and should be stopped even before it begins. And probably most importantly, I’ve learned that when (not if), I have my own horse-related business, regardless of what it is, I will conduct it with honesty, integrity and most of all, I will communicate to an excess.

While a small part of me would love to throw you under the social media bus and watch you flail and squirm, that wouldn’t be the high road would it? And my guess is that it would only feel satisfying for a moment. Who knows what you’ve said about me, what the word is around the barn for why I’m no longer working for you; which I’m assuming is the case but you never really said so…fact is, it doesn’t matter. I have people that can back me up. And while I wouldn’t put anything past you at this point, I would hope that as an adult (albeit a very, VERY disillusioned one), you wouldn’t burn bridges for me. At the end of the day, I’m just a horse-lover. I’m passionate as all hell and whether it’s my business or someone else’s, ultimately, for me, it’s not about the cracked-up individuals that seem to infiltrate this industry, but the animals that make it possible. It’s about the horses. You might do well to remember that from time to time. If it weren’t for them, you wouldn’t have a business at all.

Again, thank you for opening my eyes to what I need to avoid, in this business and in life in general. While I don’t wish you harm, I certainly don’t wish you well either.

In all sincerity,
POC

Say it like it is…

…that’s my motto. And also the inspiration for this blog. Some people (ok, I’ll go so far as to say most people) don’t like, can’t handle or get offended by those of us that tend to speak our minds. Blatantly. Without frivolous fanfare (or filters). And I’m not even the worst of that group. I have friends and family who are far more outspoken and in many cases, braver than I. But I can WRITE what I think like nobody’s business. At least I like to think so, and on a few occasions have been told so by a select few individuals who have had the pleasure/pain of reading my rants.  In an effort to free the aforementioned family and friends from having to read endless emails of said rants, I decided to make them public. Surely there’s an audience out there that might agree with me? Maybe this safe haven of a blog will empower them to also speak their minds and say it like it is whether it be through conversation, words on paper, art, photos, paintings, whatever!

I’m not saying you need to blow the head off of the person you’re speaking to by yelling obscenities; there are tactful ways to express yourself directly without verbally abusing the listener. For example: “You don’t have to agree with me and I certainly am not proclaiming to be an expert on the subject, but, Toddlers And Tiara’s is a waste of airspace and here’s why….” Granted, that’s a tame example but you get the idea.  (Trust me though, you’ll probably see that show turn up as the subject of another post and that one won’t be as kind.)

Here’s the thing: No one likes the person that pussy foots around the bush, dodging the subject, carefully placing words so as not to piss off or offend his/her audience. Not only is being direct faster and more efficient in the conversation circle, but it’s also much more effective. Might you elicit the occasional open-mouthed stare by being forthright, or the heated stage whisper from one to another at the gall you have for speaking up as such? Perhaps. Don’t internalize it, move on. Those people only react that way because they don’t have the balls to speak up themselves so in their little insecure way, they attack you for doing what they have only wished in their wildest dreams they could accomplish. Here’s an example: Recently I had someone tell me in a rather heated conversation that I was being too direct; that I was cold and emotionless (as if those attributes are synonymous with saying it like it is). Now this person, who will remain nameless, was one that really would’ve been better served with a punch in the face than the level-headed, mature conversation I was proposing. However, I find it hard to comprehend that they would’ve preferred I lie to them, sugar coat the issue at hand or in any other way create any unnecessary fluff that would’ve only prolonged the issue at hand. If you deliver the truth, directly and with an even-keel, mellow tone, you not only do yourself a favor but you help the ones you are speaking with (even if they are themselves completely beyond help of any kind) by gently pointing to the reality of the situation.

Now don’t misunderstand me. There is certainly a time and a place for a carefully selected barrage of odious insults and language only suitable in the gutters of hell, but chose wisely younglings, those times and places are few and far between. The “direct, say-it-like-it-is” language I speak of is more of an art; as well as an acquired taste.  This “art”, when practiced carefully and in sound mind, can render your know-it-all co-worker blissfully speechless or leave your Cruella De Ville-of-a-mother-in-law with a sheepish look of shame and embarrassment you never even thought it possible for her to produce.

Follow me friends. I will share real life experiences with you and ways in which I dealt (or tried to deal) with them by using this incredibly useful tactic. I’m not saying I’ve perfected it by any means, I am most certainly a work in progress, but you too can feel the unbridled sense of  content and satisfaction at being able to say it like it is. I will spill my guts on a variety of topics and invite you to do the same. Comment, share or retaliate with your own point of contention.  If nothing else, maybe you’ll nod knowingly at a situation that you’ve also experienced or smile or maybe even offer a chuckle or two.