Like many, I work in an office environment. Unlike most, we have a very open floor plan and in my department in particular, four of us occupy very close quarters. I work with mostly men. I have to admit, it’s nice. No drama, not cattiness, no gossip, it’s great. I do contend with unmuffled belches, swearing (which I don’t mind since I’ve had to curtail my habit at home since having a kid) and sports talk pretty much constantly. Small price to pay for not having to deal with the afore-mentioned bullshit. But in every office, there’s a tool. An annoying geek, an asshole. In my case, all three wrapped up in one pretty-boy package. (well, not pretty boy by my standards, but that’s beside the point.)
My mother always taught me when you walk into a room, if there’s someone else there, say “hello” or “good morning” or “how are you?” It’s just common courtesy. I’m the first one in my department, just about every day. I am always sitting there typing away. Mr. Smartypants as I’m going to call him for his know-it-all attitude and cocky demeanor, strolls in at least an hour after I do, sees me sitting there EVERY day and never once has he initiated a polite or even muffled “good morning.” Occasionally, I would say something, without looking up from my computer but when it was never reciprocated, I went into FUM (Fuck You Mode) and stopped saying anything at all. Eventually he might mumble a “hello” when it suited him which was usually 40 minutes later after a cup of coffee and breakfast.
On a recent family visit I was explaining my sheer disgust at the behavior of this individual to my sister and she suggested I kill him with kindness. Take the high road. Be the man. (Or WOman). So I took her advice and every day since then, I’ve greeted him with a cheery: “Hello Smartypants.” or “Good Morning!” Sometimes I’ll really go out on a limb and ask how his evening was or otherwise engage him in conversation that I shortly thereafter stop listening to because he likes to talk about himself and drones on and on and on….Dude, “How was your evening?” doesn’t constitute a lengthy description of the AMAZING run you had or the numerous beers you tried at the neighborhood bar. A few sentences, or better yet, a few words would suffice.
Despite my repeated attempts at kindness, I am only ever rewarded with a half-hearted, “good morning” mumbled under his breath and moments after my greeting is issued. It’s almost as though he’s thinking about whether responding with any enthusiasm is worth his energy. Really?? Would it kill you to FOR ONCE initiate a friendly greeting to your co-worker once in a while?! You work with me, you see me every day, you don’t have to like me, in fact it’s clear that you don’t and you’re probably bitter that I’m in a position above you and I’m a chick, but put your ego aside and be fucking polite! Be courteous! Even the bitch from Boston that sits next to me occasionally utters a “hello” when she waltzes in.
I should resign myself to the fact that this won’t change. He’s either too clueless or more accurately, probably too self-absorbed to notice my random acts of fake-kindness and I shouldn’t care. But occasionally, my thoughts get the better of me and I wonder what goes through his little bitty brain when he walks in that he doesn’t know to greet the person already in the room? I can at least take comfort in the fact that it’s quite evident why he doesn’t have a girlfriend and probably won’t for sometime. I’m sure after a night spent with him, he’d hop out of bed, get some coffee and probably walk out the door without so much as a how do you do? Maybe one of these mornings I should just say “fuck it” and instead of keeping my mouth shut, utter a joyous and loud “Good Morning Asshole!” in my sunniest of voices with a big smile on my face and see what his reaction is then.
Pen of Contention 